This IS the Other World

Last night a friend called me up in the midst of an existential crisis. She kept exclaiming over and over that she didn't want to be here, that she wanted to go back to the other side. "What is the point!" she kept railing, "I don't know why I'm here!?" and "I think I'm supposed to be dead now".

I shot back, "if there is no point and you have nothing to lose then why do you continue to toil in a job that you hate with people that you dislike? Why not, then, take a chance and jump off the cliff and do something you love, something that is meaningful to you instead?" 

"But, but, but....." was her answer. We all tend to cling so steadfastly to the very thing that imprisons us. It is an irony of human life that we are sent here with a deep need for security; a desire to know why and how and when in a world of constant change where that is never possible.

This morning I opened a book that I am currently reading, "Tantra: The Path of Ecstasy" by Geor Feuerstein. The chapter heading read, "This is the Other World". While we are all trying to get somewhere else that is better, we are missing the point. There is no "other". This finite world full of suffering and constant change is equal and the same as the infinite world of peace and contentment. As long as we are trying to escape, our bodies, our relationships, our lives we will suffer. When we have the courage and fortitude to pause and actually truly be in our lives we take the first step toward freedom. 

Two experiences I currently had illustrate this point. The first was a video a friend posted on my Facebook page of a yogi doing a beautiful practice in the midst of human life. First, on the Brooklyn Bridge where people hurriedly passed him by on their way to work or school or wherever. Not one person stopped to appreciate the beauty of the gift he was giving them. Then, on the streets of India. Here children and adults alike stopped everything they were doing and watched curiously. They too must have places they have to be and things they have to do but they weren't as important as stopping to appreciate this wonder. 

Second, another post on Facebook about a social experiment that recently occurred in Washington D.C. Joshua Bell a world renown violinist masked himself as a street performer and played in the subway station for 45 minutes. During this time only 6 adults of the thousands which passed him stopped to really listen. Several more children stopped but were pulled away hurriedly by their caretakers.  The conclusion was "If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?"

The revolutionary nature of the liberation theologies of which yoga is one, is that this is it! The current of our lives, if you believe in reincarnation, flows on incessantly: birth, life, death, rebirth, life, death....however it's DIRECTION can be determined by our actions thoughts and feelings. In other words, the control that we all crave is possible on some level through the control of our thoughts. 

Tam yatha yatha upasate tad eva bhavati

Whatever one attends to or worships, one becomes

YS. I.33 Maitri karuna mudita upeksanam sukha dukha punay apunya visayanam bhavanatah cittaprasadanam

Through cultivation of friendliness, compassion, joy and indifference to pleasure and pain, virtue and vice respectively, the consciousness becomes favourably disposed. 

Take an extreme example like Ghandi. He attempted to live his life with complete attention to satya, truth. "Be the change you want to see in the world", he spoke. In other words, embody the change you want to see. Direct the current of your life to what you love, what you have passion for and you will most certainly still die but at least you will have lived before you died. 

What are you waiting for? How many more "but, but, buts...." do you have? What do you have to lose? 

30 Day Sugar-Free Challenge RESULTS!

Today marks the last day of the challenge to go without processed sugars of any kind for a full month. I intentionally made the challenge 80:20 (80% of the time without sugar and 20% to go off) because the aim was to not simply to withhold sugar for a month and then go back to binging at the end of the month but to observe WHY we were reaching for sugary treats. When we are able to observe our coping behaviors and go to the root of why they are coming up then we are better able to actually transform them. 

This is the 4th time I have done the Sugar-Free challenge but the first time I have observed it for an entire month. While there are definitely some similarities, each time, my realizations are slightly different. This time around, my biggest realization was the extent that I use sweets simply to fill in for calories that I need. Because of the kind of work I do and the way many of my days are structured it is difficult for me to get a two full meals in by lunchtime. I am also currently eating very few grains (of all types, not just gluten-free) and the chocolate and coconut sweets that I have been eating in the afternoon have replaced a portion of those carbs. 

Now you are probably going to think this is an excuse but I actually think for my body that it is better for me to eat some chocolate or coconut sweets then eat grains. My body does not process grains well, they are inflammatory in my system. That said, this month I added other types of carbs like pumpkin which ended up working out quite well. I have posted my recipe for pumpkin puree on my nutrition blog. 

The other realization I had was also around chocolate. I had not had any of the dark chocolate that I usually eat for several weeks. Then, last week I gave in while at the check out line at Trader Joe's (and feeling hungry....) I bought an organic dark chocolate bar with almonds. I ate two lines of it after lunch. That afternoon I felt almost euphoric, not speedy from the caffeine but actually more relaxed and happy. I thought of the studies that have been done on dark chocolate and serotonin production. Not only does dark chocolate increase serotonin levels in the brain but it stimulates it's production in the colon which promotes the immune system. However, recommended "dosage" is 1 oz a day. As I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past it made sense that serotonin-boosting foods would be good for me. And personally, I feel more comfortable "medicating" myself with food vs. pharmaceuticals (this is not to judge anyone who is currently taking other SSRIs!)

So, how will I proceed from here? In addition to the dark chocolate there was another time during the day where I desired some sweetener and that was in my morning tea (usually green tea with almond milk). It is a comfort for me to have this warm, sweet yet bitter beverage in the morning, in a good way! So, here are the sweets that I will keep because they give me psychological comfort and I do not think are damaging me physically or emotionally:

Dark chocolate: 1 oz a day

Coconut Palm sugar (very low glycemic): 1 tsp per day in morning tea

Grain/Gluten Free desserts sweetened with natural sweeteners: On occasion

What am I going to limit in my diet? Any kind of dessert that is sweetened with sugar and uses white flour. On two separate occasions when I indulged in these sweets last month at special occasions I almost or did get sick. While it is anecdotal, my own experience teaches me that sugar (and white flour acts on the body the same as white sugar) definitely depressed my immune system. 

And now I would like to hear from you! How did this month go? 

"How Yoga Can Wreck Your Body"

Fear Not

What is not real, never was and never will be

What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed

-Bhagavad Gita

If this article is enough to scare you away from Yoga then you better run. The truth is that Yoga is a radical psychotechnology that will transform you. For most of us, change does not come easily. We hold on to our beliefs, our habits like an old comfortable blanket that we've had since childhood. When that blanket gets ripped away the ensuing state of nakedness is uncomfortable and sometimes painful.  If you are not ready to face that part of yourself than Yoga is not for you. No judgment on my part at all, truly.

When people come to Iyengar Yoga classes one of the poses they fear the most is Sirsasana, headstand. And rightfully so! Balancing on your head is not something most of us have ever been asked to do in our daily lives. As a teacher, never once have I forced someone to do this pose. Instead, I show them, over and over again how to safely come into headstand and what the key components to finding balance and serenity are once you are in the pose. I am unrelenting in having them explore beginning phases of the pose and then once I see that they are physically safe doing the pose and the block is purely psychological I "help" them into the pose. What does this mean? It means I share my courage, my faith that they can stand on their head with them, and physically help them to swing their legs up the wall. And they go up, and they experience a transformation of their consciousness. 

Anyone who has had this experience, of coming up into Sirsasana, headstand, for the first time and then secondarily balancing in the middle of the room will tell you that it changes your life. For once you can balance on your head, a lot of other things become much less fearful. You feel empowered to face the world with a different level of confidence. 

What if you have a neck problem? Well, I have a chronic neck problem, a grip that runs down the left side of my neck and into my shoulder blade. For awhile, I gave up headstand for fear that I would excacerbate the pain in my neck. I told my teacher Manouso that I needed to hang in the ropes for awhile. Manouso is a fierce teacher and he often appears to "force" students into poses but I can tell you that he had nothing but compassion for me and simply said "of course". And when I was ready a couple of months later to explore Sirsasana again I told him what my experience was of why it was causing my neck pain. He came over and gave me two quick adjustments which gave me all the information I needed to work out the problems. Now, Sirsasana FIXES my neck because it is helping me to build up strength along the spine which translates into the rest of my life, both physically and emotionally.

Last night at Manouso's 60th birthday party, several people talked about his gift of sharing his courage and faith. That there were times when they would have given up on their own, but because they knew he was watching they didn't. And in these moments they found their own courage, their own faith. Something that can never be taken away from them. One woman said that in the midst of battling breast cancer she was in the middle of a yoga practice session and broke down. She called Manouso exclaiming "Am I going to die!?" and he replied "Of course. Now go finish your practice." This is Yoga. Are you going to hold on to what is finite or are you going to risk tearing down everything you currently know for a glimpse of the Truth, the Light. In the process you might find the faith, the courage to face this life with out fear and to shine in your own unedited brilliance.

The choice is yours. No judgment if it's not for you right now although I do have to say, what are you waiting for? 

Sugar-Free(dom): Day 1

Fairly often I get calls from people looking for a nutritionist who will put them on a cleanse and help them to lose weight. While I do not outright say "no" I try to communicate that my goal is a transformation in the way that people relate to food and nourishment versus a punishing regimine of denial which will undoubtably perpetuate the cycle of self-hatred they've gotten themselves into. They usually don't call me back which is ok for me. When/If they are ready to truly make a change they will call me or someone else to assist them or simply muster the courage to make the change themselves.

And so, I felt that I needed to be clear the intention behind the "Sugar-Free Challenge". Enjoying the sweetness of life is a good thing that we should strive for. If we were simply able to truly appreciate and savor something sweet once in awhile on a special occasion then we would be fine. But, for many of us, we use sweets as a way to raise ourselves to a higher level. That higher level of happiness and satisfaction is real but it is also transitory and so we continue to try and replicate that happiness through external inputs like sweets (or a myriad of other temporarily pleasurable activities). 

What I am asking of myself in this challenge, is to not eat sweets for a month in order to look at the underlying factors that make me reach for them; and rather than trying to "fix" or change those underlying conditions can I simply sit with them and observe them without judgment or becoming attached to them. 

I believe that when we are truly and wholly creatively expressing ourselves the need to externally sweeten our experience will lose it's draw. So on this, the first day of the Sugar-Free Challenge, I challenge you to come up with at least one other thing you can do rather than reach for sweets. Something that will bring you joy and satisfaction. It may be making time for yourself to take a walk in the park and connect with nature or trying out a new recipe to serve your loved one(s). I'm not saying it's easy but it will most certainly be transformative. 

Bring Them Up: The Science of Friendliness

About a month ago I was attending a yoga intensive with my teacher Manouso. One day after the morning session I came out to a voicemail of "This is the XXX yoga studio calling, where are you? Your class is about to start and no one is here to teach it." I was very upset and called the studio immediately. I had set up a substitute for this class well in advance and informed both the studio and the teacher that was subbing but clearly something had fallen through the cracks. But what emerged out of this catastrophe was something beautiful.

Apparently the students in the class sat and waited patiently for my arrival but when it was clear I wasn't coming one suggested, "let's chant the AUMs together", and after that one of my regular students who has recently completed teacher training and has started to teach stood up and offered to teach class.

My teacher Victoria once said to me "a good teacher is one who brings her students up to her level (or higher)". As a teacher of yoga I am not in this to make money (I could make six figures doing other kinds of work and have); I am not teaching yoga to feed my ego by having large numbers of students who are devoted to me; I am very simply attempting to create a spark, a desire to pursue yoga in the people who come to me. A desire for transformation, a burning zeal to pursue the truth and authenticity, a stamina to "change what can be changed and withstand that which cannot".

I have begun to try and apply this concept of "bringing people up" rather than judging or putting them down to all of my relationships.

Yoga Sutra I.33 maitri karuna mudita upeksanam sukha duhkha punya apunya visayanam bhavanatah cittaprasadanam


Through cultivation of friendliness, compassion, joy and indifference to pleasure and pain, virtue and vice, the consciousness becomes favorably disposed, serene and benevolent. - Light on the Yoga Sutras, BKS Iyengar


Iyengar says, "This sutra asks us to rejoice with the happy, be compassionate to the sorrowful, friendly to the virtuous and indifferent to those who continue to live in vice despite attempts to change them." For me, this last part is the hardest to perform. The story above illustrates the lighter positive side of what happens when you attempt to "bring people up" but what about those other people in your personal life who you see squandering their abilities, who sabotage relationships and opportunities in their life, who hurt you and others out of ignorance? How hard it is to simply love these people unconditionally! Not that we should not stand up for ourselves or set boundaries or be truthful in these situations. But how to not judge, to remain open and present and every hopeful without becoming entrenched and involved in changing the other person?

When we judge other people and put them down we make them separate from ourselves. They are "bad" and we are "good". However, in truth, we are not separate and we are not all entirely good or bad but instead a combination of both, of dark and light. Yoga, true yoga, is in fact about the integration of these dichotomies, toward an experience of wholeness, of Oneness.

So next time you find yourself judging, trying to control or manipulate another person, even if you believe it is for their own good, try instead to just accept them and love them for exactly where they are right now. And rather than chastising or rejecting them, try staying open to them without abandoning yourself, being present and friendly without over giving. Rather than pushing them down, BRING THEM UP. Try, experiment, experience for yourself and let me know how it goes.

Yoga, Fear, Courage & Abundance

A wise woman once asked me "If money were no object and failure was not an option, what would you be doing with your life RIGHT NOW?" At the time my answer was, "Quit my day job and just do yoga". And so I did.

So many people have commented, "How did you do it?" and the only true answer I have is that at the time, I didn't feel like I had any other choice. That is not to say that it didn't take courage, it did. I left a high paying job that I was good at in the peak of my career. I knew that if I stayed in the job that I would just keep making more money and climbing up the ladder. But I was empty inside. My brain was kept entertained but my spirit was lacking. From the outside, it looked to many like I jumped off a cliff but in fact I had money in the bank and the knowledge that I could easily go back to my previous line of work and make money again.

That was a bad thing and a good thing. On the one hand, it held me back from committing 100% to my teaching path. On the other hand, it was a helpful illusion that gave me the faith and courage to change my life. Recently, I went through a period again of looking over my debt and thinking, "If I went back and did some corporate marketing consulting I could pay this off in 6 months." My next thought was, "Why is it that you believe that you can make $75-$100 an hour doing that kind of work but don't believe you can make that kind of money doing what you love, serving other people?" Why is it that serving others is associated with poverty and lack?

I read a strange online book recently called "The Science of Getting Rich" and in it the author (clearly a yogi ;-) says, "Nature is an inexhaustible storehouse of riches; the supply will never run short. Original substance is alive with creative energy and is constantly producing more forms." What this means is that there IS ENOUGH to go around. It is only our thought about what we deserve or what we are worth that holds us back. We are not in competition as this post-industrial, capitalist world would like us to believe. As long as we believe that what we are giving the other person in USE VALUE is more than the cash market value they are paying us then we will be in the black.

This was illustrated to me several years ago when I was the manager of a local yoga studio. Part of my job was to contact people after their first month and convince them to sign-up for a second month of yoga. At first, the thought was abhorent to me that I was going to have to sell yoga to people. But, very quickly I realized the above that the value of what I was selling them, the yoga practice, was worth much more than the $15 they were paying per class.

And this gets us back to the original question, what is holding you back from realizing your dreams, your passion? I'll tell you that for the most part, the answer that I get from other people is MONEY. Because, people believe that they are lacking in some way and not deserved of abundance. Because people believe that it is a "dog eat dog" world out there in which they have to fight and compete in order to thrive. Because people do not have the faith that they can do what they love and feel passionate about AND support themselves. But I am here to tell you that this is not true.

So the next time your inner voice says to you "You can't do that because....." or a friend says, "You should do that!" and you reply with "Yes, but....." ask yourself who and where that is coming from. And rather than fighting of suppressing that part of yourself, negotiate. Ask that part of yourself, "What would you need in order to feel safe making this kind of leap?" and then make that happen. Stop shopping for new $150 shoes that you don't need. Stop wasting your time with people or in places that drain your energy. Surround yourself with the nourishment you need to move forward. Then you won't have any more excuses and you can take that first step out into open space. Scary and invigorating you will be forced to believe that you ARE capable of great things. If you believe you can fly you might just be surprised that you can.....

Be authentic, B-E-A-U-T-H-E-N-T-I-C

Sunday I woke up with a sense of darkness and heaviness in my heart. The sun was out so it wasn't the weather. I tried not to get too attached to the feeling and just be in it. It felt like a longing in my heart for a deep soul connection. I cried in the car as I drove to teach class, the ocean speeding by in my left periphery vision keeping me company.

I arrived at the studio, sitting behind the counter waiting for students to arrive. The studio was all out of sign-up sheets so I made one on a blank piece of paper with space for 11 students to come. Students filtered in, some regulars and some students who I have known for a long time but don't regularly come to that class. When it was time for class to start there were 10 students in front of me. As I sat a hush feel over the room and that same serious, heavy feeling that I had felt on awaking. I said "Wow, so serious today?" and a woman said, "It's 9/11". 

Like everyone else, I have a vivid memory of the time in and around 9/11. I sat and watched TV without interruption with everyone else for the first 24 hrs but then I began to observe the way the "news" networks were branding and marketing this event. They had their creative departments come up with logos and started streaming constant information across the bottom of the screen during all programming. It sickened me. Having worked in advertising and marketing myself, I understand the power of persuasion. I don't remember where I read or heard this but someone said that some of the most powerful minds of our day are in advertising. 

I recently watched "Mad Men" through Netflix, a fascinating portrayal of the rise of mass advertising and the effect on society. The main character has powerful insight into people's heads which he uses to help convince them that they need to buy things. But he himself cannot be satisfied by anything that he can buy because the deep dark hole inside him is endless. He wears a mask of a handsome, devoted husband and father; the bread-winner and rain-maker. But he can't hold that illusion together all the time and when it slips away you see that at heart he feels he is unworthy and a bad person. Try as he may to hide his shadow it rears its ugly head in more and more unseemly ways, refusing to be ignored.

Shortly after 9/11 I had a feeling of hope, that something this terrible, tearing away at the mask of what we consider to be the icon of power and wealth might actually bring us all together. That we might recognize that these terrorist were simply our shadow side come to remind us of who we really are and what are true purpose is. The Universe, Divine, God, whatever you want to call it does not like stagnation. The deep pool of delusion that we have fallen into, the "Breads & Circuses" of our day could not be tolerated forever. I felt like we were given a chance, an opportunity to grasp something higher. But those who are invested in maintaining the status quo turned it into another game of "us" and "them" so we could all keep our televisions tuned into the same channel. Allowing the messages, scrolling along the bottom edge of our screens to brainwash us back into believing that we are disconnected and powerless to change.  I stopped watching the news after that and have not gone back.

On this 9/11 of 2011, I felt that ray of hope come through again. It took time, it took repeated batterings of the old structures we had come to rely on, but it is shifting. So this 9/11, rather then put on a mask in front of the class, smiling and pretending that I wasn't feeling anything, I said, "I woke up this morning with a feeling of darkness, of heaviness. I tried not to attach it to anything but just be aware of it, not push it away. Now that I know it is the anniversary of 9/11 it makes sense. There is a collective sadness that I feel. And this, this practice we are doing today, is how I work with those emotions." What I did not say was that this time when I feel that collective sadness I also feel a glowing hope. I did my best to allow that hope to radiate through the practice of asana, to imprint into the body and minds of the people in front of me. 

At the end, I chanted 3 AUMs with the students as I always do, I asked to complete this experience between us and close the circle. Having faith that the practice itself will transform them in exactly the way that is needed. Knowing that we all just just have to show up, be authentic, communicate with integrity and not be attached to any particular outcome. Like the full moon later that night, illumined by the light of the Sun, she sits patiently basking in the light and reveling in the darkness; simply accepting whatever she is receiving with unconditional love. Knowing that she will be given opportunity after opportunity to shine in her unedited brilliance....we only have to be willing to recognize and grasp that opportunity when presented.